Many companies frown upon affairs between two of its employees. As saying that such a relationship is forbidden would be limiting personal rights, they usually ask one to change jobs, because they think that such relationships would reduce the productivity, not only of the two employees who are having the affair, but also of everyone else who would be watching them. Furthermore, they claim that the work place hierarchy is disrupted, the other employees feel they have been wronged, and that their trust in the company has been shaken. If one or both of the couple are married, the effect of the unrest at home with the spouse on productivity, and the chance of the betrayed spouse coming and the possibility of making a scene at the work place are additional risks.

 

Why the work place?

There are various reasons for work place affairs. This reason may change according to the age, job level and personal traits of the person. Especially large volume work places are a good opportunity for a working person to meet others. For those who spend most of their time at the work place, who have little opportunity outside working hours to mingle in different environments, it is a lifestyle itself. When you add the long hours spent together to this, getting close is inevitable. As to personality traits, the work place may be the right environment for building relationships for people who are shy and have difficulty getting to know others. They may perceive the closeness, talks, jokes that are particular to a work place as real. The disappointment that will come as a result of this may cause emotional problems beyond loss of productivity. Sometimes unrest at home, longer hours spent together than with the spouse at home, a friend who lends a sympathetic ear may seem a good enough reason for an affair. However, this friendship which starts with the sharing of problems may lead to an affair, and an affair may cause new problems. When problems that might arise at the work place are also included, you may find yourself at court or on the couch of a psychotherapist. Of course, the chance of both happening at once is also not to be ignored. The hero of another relationship may be a young and ambitious employee who may see a relationship with a superior as a way to promotion, of being important and getting what is desired. The biggest risk here is not a disruption of work. The risks may be listed as believing in lies, a change of superior, not having a position for promotion if the affair becomes known, etc. Then, there are men beyond middle age, of course. Easily established relationships that will enhance the admiration and power he generates at the office, a relationship that will be applauded by his peers. But losses such as; losing control of the relationship, mistakes one after the other, losing the power and admiration he thought that was growing and thus suddenly becoming ordinary, may make being caught out by the betrayed wife the least important outcome. On the other hand, love may find you at the work place, and you may risk losing other things. In the meantime, the couples who have met at the work place and have been able to find life long happiness should not be ignored. Also, that these couples do not like working at the same work place, either…

 

 

ONE AFFAIR, ONE BETRAYAL….

 

She had just started work. The young man she was working with in the same office attracted her interest. After a while, a relationship was formed among them. At the work place, it was not allowed for those who had a relationship to work in the same department. They wrote each other e-mails. After a while, problems started cropping up in their relationship. They broke up, but still they were working at the same work place. A while later, she learned that the young man she had fallen in love with had gotten engaged. To the difficulty of seeing him every day, was now added hearing about his fiancée, his happiness. It was difficult coming to the work she loved each day. That one of her old e-mails had been seen by a friend, the whispers, the looks at the work place were becoming unbearable.

 

He was about 45. He was an executive in an important office. His job provided him with money, power and fame. He was married, but he had affairs. Although his affairs were known, they were not much talked about. His power at his company ensured that such affairs were considered natural and even indicators of success. However, his last affair was with a young and ambitious woman who worked for him. She wanted to promote, she tried to oppress others, to show herself, and she used the power of her relationship all the while. Nobody could stand up to her, nobody could stop her. Then, as the requests became too great for her to satisfy by herself, she started to force the executive with whom she had the affair to handle them. The man, at the peak of power and inaccessibility, started making mistake after mistake. These mistakes cost him his job. When he lost his job, and his power with it, his affair also ended. A simple betrayal of a wife had ended with a betrayal of a different kind. (Examples are imaginary.)

Professor Bengi Semeci, M.D.
Psychiatrist

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