Not working relationships is an issue with two opposing poles: you are either unaware of yourself, or you are unaware of anybody other than yourself.
In October, I spoke about one of the poles, about the barriers preventing one from being aware of one’s self. I pointed out how the relationship forms one has can prevent one from being aware of one’s self, one’s inner world, one’s emotions.
Now, it is the turn of the other pole: living self-centered is a big obstacle in the way of smoothly working relationships with others. If a person is constantly and involuntarily uses his/her priorities for his/her interests, the emerging situation is unfortunately equal to being presumptuous…
Self-centered people also have various modes, just like people who resist themselves:
Over sensitivity mode: What they feel is so important that it becomes impossible for them to be sensitive to what the other person is feeling. Because they are constantly listening to themselves, they can never feel relaxed. The reason they are always tense is because they are constantly monitoring themselves.
Over rigidity mode: They accept everything they have ever learned as strict rules. They never question. Therefore, as they live according to their rules, they don’t care how the other person is affected, or harmed by this. When it is necessary to make a quick decision and adapt to new situations, because they can’t step outside their own rules, they place both themselves and those with them into difficulties. They are not flexible.
Masticating mode: They are on the opposite side of those who swallow everything whole. They never trust others. They question everything they are told. They weigh its suitability to themselves. Although they give the impression that they are just curious, all they want is to protect themselves. Being practical, making snap decisions are not for them. They question everything, but still fail to reach a conclusion.
Meeting mode: Whatever it is they are focused on, their only concern is reaching that. They miss how others are affected from this. Every road that takes them to their goal is fair. Being focused on meeting their heart’s desire makes them miss everything else that is happening.
Resistance mode: It is no use telling them the why and wherefores, or how it should be. Usually they are known as disagreeable, stubborn, rebellious people by those around them.
You often observe such self-centered behavior that cannot find a meeting point with others in your own environment. You have probably named some, as soon as you have read the modes. Actually, what we need to know is that we all use some of these ourselves from time to time. For example, in a dangerous situation when the possibility that something may happen to you is high, the over sensitivity mode may help you to recognize the signals early and quickly sense the changes in your body. Or during your military service, rigidly adhering to the rules may enable you to finish your term with fewer mistakes, and gain your discharge without getting into trouble. If you are a doctor or a lawyer, asking many questions and querying all the details will enable you to make the right decision without missing any possibilities.
Therefore, if, in fact, you are using these modes consciously, there may be times they will be useful. The problem arises when we use these involuntarily, without conscious choice, when we allow no switching between poles and shut ourselves up in a single mode.
Up till now, I have talked about the obstacles in the way of a healthy relationship. In December, get ready to get rid of the obstacles together!
