In relationships the word “why?” refers to
the question of disappointment. 
 Why him/her not me?  Why did he/she deceive me?  Why did he/she not tell me?  Why now?  Disappointment, on the other hand, is the
essential condition for going forward.
 Experiencing disappointment in a tolerable
level gives one the courage to open new doors.
 It makes you inquire about things, teaches
you things and guides you to start over.


When it is experienced in intolerable
levels, however, then disappointment turns into one of rage.
 The desire to hurt another, make them
suffer the same grief or regret and the endless efforts with a view to
achieving such desires all come with disappointment.
 Such an emotion completely draws the person
to itself.


But the truth of the matter is nobody is
against anybody.
 It is just
that everybody favors himself/herself.
 When seen from this perspective, it is
easier to comprehend things that appear to be as betrayal, and to pick up where
you’ve left off and to orient yourself towards choices that will make you


Just so we feel good about ourselves and
happy; in order to let them think we are of good character and so that they
love and respect us even more… 
 Whatever we do, we do it for ourselves.  Even the deeds that we appear to be doing
for the good of others are resulted from the subconscious desires of promoting
ourselves above moral standards by helping others.  
 For this reason neither are we in great debts nor
expecting such great receivables.
 While we make choices for ourselves we include others
into such processes, and that is all there is to it.


Disappointment only becomes a problem when
it is experienced many times from the same person or different persons due to
the same reason.
because such a disappointment comes to mean that the person in question still
goes down the same road without taking lessons from the past experiences and
that he/she knocks on the same old door instead of opening new doors.
 Such a vicious circle is usually followed
by a self inflicted rage as well as stomach aches, migraines and many other
physical complaints.
because the severe pain that can not be mollified by taking it out on others
starts to harm the person himself/herself.


Disappointment follows the following
route: it first allows you to experience the pain, and then it realizes where
you lose touch with the other and begin to nurture different hopes than the
current ones, and then it takes you to where you are destined to go when you
feel ready to make the new beginning.


I hope you have a nice month with less
disappointment and in which you can turn your dreams into reality…


Derya Gülterler, MS

Clinic Psychologist