This September, I would like to invite parents to try something new: Do your visits to psychologist for exam stress this
month which you have postponed to May J
In fact, the new year begins in September not in January for students
and their families. Therefore, it is necessary to make the assessments of
last year in September and to put new plans into effect this month. Especially this year, students who will take exams for Anatolian high
schools and universities are supposed to work harder and regularly.
It is a solution for students to obtain support from the guidance
departments in their schools during the period of such preparations, which will
make their lives easier.
I suggest the parents to give up saying: “COME ON DEARIE, STUDY THIS YEAR!”
High-Responsible Parents (!)
Parents who have diligently taken over all the responsibilities of their
child up to the age of examination are not able to leave the responsibility to
the child when the exam time comes. We can know such parents from the way that they tie laces of their
primary school aged child’s shoes, carry his school bag, ask “Do we have
any school assignments?” and call the child’s friends when they receive
the reply “No!”, make up the child’s bed and prepare his school bag,
and most importantly wait excitedly for the results of project papers.
Until the time of examination, the most common phrase used by the
“undissociated” parents who re-experience to be student with their
child is “COME ON!”
Shortly after, the monologue continues with their typical outcry
“IF I’VE TOLD YOU ONCE I’VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES.”
Child considers that he does something important for his parents when he
studies. If he studies, it means that he is doing it for his parents. If he is doing something for his parents, it means
that he deserves an extra award.
Successful Students
The most important characteristic of successful students is that they
take the achievement as a motivational reason not for their parent but for themselves.
When they are asked about their objectives, successful students can
usually use one primary and one alternative objective. They can also explain it with reasons.
Successful students know where they have problem and what hinders them.
Successful students are knowledgeable about the characteristics,
duration and result assessment of the exams they will take.
They are often moderately anxious. This anxiety that pushes them to work and achieve
works extremely well.
Parents of Successful Students
Parents of successful students are those who generally focus on doing
well their works.
They will be a good model to
their children with these characteristics of them. They can work either as a company manager or as a housewife … Their objectives to do their work better than itself
serve as a great example to the child.
Parents of successful students observe more and intervene less.
They do not try to figure out what school assignments they have or what
score they get but they try to understand whether their children are happy,
anxious or sad.
They know what all these mean.
They are knowledgeable about their children’s objectives. They ask what they need to achieve them. They aim
at supporting the satisfaction of their needs.
As in every case, it is possible to see the extraordinary examples of
successful students and their parents around. However what is essential is that everyone is
knowledgeable about their roles and associated responsibilities. The parents who do school assignments with their child
and are concerned with the mark expectation cease to act as a parent and take
over the role of student.
They seek to settle their unfinished issues of their student years. The student who leaves the responsibility of his
assignments to his parents maintains his dependency in the period of infancy
and still can not achieve spiritual maturity of being a child. Healthy sharing of roles, monitoring, modeling, and
supporting are the golden rules for parenting.
If you begin the new semester and move along with this awareness, the
duty not to deal with the exam stress in May but to write down their holiday
plans will fall to us.
Derya Gülterler, MS
Clinic Psychologist
